Walking To My Own Beat

It was a quote that first drew my attention. I was browsing through a whole host of blogs, as I do fairly often, when I happened upon a woman talking about how she'd spent the past year writing her first book, and about what a learning process it had been. She went on to list a few things life had taught her, one of which was that she needed to quit apologising to others for the pace of life that her intuition tells her is best for her and her family. Do you ever read something where you wanna stop and fist pump the air?? Well that was one of those moments for me.

Being a "Stay-at-Home"

As a stay-at-home-mum, I've spent a great deal of time defending my decision to not do paid work. I've often suspected people assumed I had no intelligence, or that maybe I was just lazy. It bothered me to the extent that it became a real compulsion for me to prove myself. It was exhausting and depressing, and thank goodness I don't buy into that crap anymore. The reality is that my choice to stay home, was based almost entirely on the fact that my intuition told me that it was what was best for my family. Friends would sometimes get defensive, and say that they were able to parent perfectly well and work full time. Because I'm always conscious of not disrespecting my working friends, I'd go the self-deprecating route, and tell them that "I" just couldn't do both. That I didn't have the ability to be both a good mother, and a dedicated employee at the same time. This isn't entirely true. I mean, I know I could do both. What I should have said is that it just wouldn't feel right for me. My intuition would be telling me, "Whoa!! Lady, this pace is way too crazy!" I really believe in listening to that voice.

Making a Difference

But back to that woman and her blog. After I had my fist pumping, "Oh yeah!" moment, I scrolled though the rest of her blog/website, and was totally wowed! The more I read, the more I found myself muttering, "Yes!" under my breath. It's always just so exciting and inspiring to read the words of a like minded individual. She writes about everything...from her children and her husband, to society and culture...with passion and honesty. Her whole blog revolves around the idea that you can make a difference, and (in her words) "start a revolution", from your own home. I immediately felt a sense of kindredness toward her. My new girl crush!!

Now, I don't tell you any of this to promote her blog (although I will add a link at the end incase you'd like to check it out). I had never even heard of her before today. But I bring it up because I've been struggling to put a label on what I want my own blog to be about. Every bit of literature I come across about setting up a blog, tells me I MUST focus on one topic. I should apparently pick a subject, and just write the crap out of it. But my mind doesn't work that way. I don't have just one thing I'm passionate about. I'd seriously be bored stupid writing about a single subject. It was only after reading this woman's blog that I realised I didn't need just one thing to focus on. I realised that my habit of writing about a plethora of topics might not be the quickest way to build an audience, but if my intuition is telling me I should do it, well I'm gonna do it. I've also realised that although I'm passionate about a lot of things, the driving force behind every one of those passions is the same thing...I just want to make a bit of a difference. Even if it's just a teeny, tiny, little bit.

Bloom Where You're Planted

To give you a bit of background, I remember a period of time when I was in my early 20's... My daughter Ebony was a few years old, and my son Lochlan, had just been born. I'd not long moved in with Jason, after living as a single mum for some years, and I was really searching for meaning in my life. I'd always been pretty spiritual, so I'd decided to go back to church for the first time in a while (I should probably add here that although I'm spiritual, I'm not at all religious...there's a big difference. But I digress). I'd had a bit of a rough trot, I guess you could say, and even though I had many wounds that needed tending to, I had this overwhelming desire to help others who might have similar experiences. Although this was partly altruistic, I recognise now that I was probably also searching for a way to be "needed"...to feel like I was important and that I mattered.  I had such an pathetically low self esteem. Anyway, I remember asking God to bring people into my life who I could help. I'd ask the same thing day after day after day, while I busied myself doing my boring, mundane domestic duties...changing nappies, cooking, cleaning and playing with the kids. Nothing changed, and no people mysteriously appeared in my life needing help. It was a little disapointing, but after a while I had a bit of a light bulb moment. I'd heard the phrase, "Bloom where you're planted", for the first time, and it spoke straight to my heart. I kind of sat and chewed it over for a while, and it was truly like God was speaking to me (no, not a real voice...I'm not that crazy) and it was like he was saying, "You know what Davina, if you want to make a difference...if you really want to change the world...then how about you start at home? Stop worrying about proving your worth to others, get off your sad and sorry ass, and just BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED". It was like an entire mind shift. I saw things so differently, and from that moment on I totally immersed myself in my role as a wife and mother. My insecurities didn't go away entirely, but I felt a real sense of purpose, and I knew I was exactly where I needed to be.

 

My Drum Has the MADDEST Beat!

That exact same sense of purpose drives me today. I know that the best way for me to leave an imprint on the world is to raise my kids well. I know it with every fibre of my being. I absolutely believe that pretty much everything that sucks about society (and there's plenty) can be traced back to parenting and family issues. I've changed a hell of a lot over the years, and thrown out a heap of baggage along the way, but I still focus on my family before anything else. I still sift everything through a set of filters, and decide what's true and right based on my intuition (which comes from my faith), not based on what society tells me. I don't always meet other people's expectations of me. I rarely follow what is "mainstream".  My opinions aren't always the most popular. As such, I like to think I really do walk to the beat of my own drum. And, although I might be a little biased, I think my family's beat is ALL KINDS of awesome.

My special ones

Oh, and if you'd like to check out the blog I've been talking about, "Revolution from Home", by writer Beth Barry, then Click Here!

I'm not a fan of introductions.

First impressions are supposed to be so important, but I rarely do them well. For instance, if you were meeting me in person for the first time, you would probably think I was a fairly quiet person. Maybe even aloof. I'm really not, and if you could speak to any one of my long time friends, they'd tell you I'm anything but shy. I just really have a hatred of small talk. I detest it actually. I find it pointless, boring and awkward to make conversation about the weather, or the latest football scores, with a stranger. So I tend to keep to myself.

Most of the time I'm happy to just sit and people watch. Like at school drop off, and pick up, for example. I watch the other mums interact with each other, and find it interesting to witness them forming their cliques. I'd actually like to befriend a couple of them. Their conversations make me think we'd get along. But there's that thing again...introductions...small talk. Yuck. So I just tend to hang back.

I sometimes wish I was more like my partner. Now, there's a talker. Jason just has the gift of the gab. I mean he can seriously talk a leg off a chair. He'll walk up to just about anyone, and still be there an hour later nattering away. He cracks jokes, and makes friends easily with his warmth and charisma. But, put a pen in his hand and ask him to jot down his thoughts, and he'll hyperventilate. Give him a book and he'll be asleep before the second page. Speaking is Jason's "thing". Writing, not so much. But, just as he communicates best through the spoken word, I thrive through the written. Just as he is able to really open up to others through his oral ability, I am able to do the same through a piece of writing.

Writing has done so much for me in my life. It's given me confidence, because although I can occasionally be verbally awkward, I am completely as ease and comfortable with a pen in my hand, or a keyboard in my lap. It's also provided me with a vehicle to use to speak about things I'm passionate about...and there's lots of those. I can chuck on some yoga pants, pour a wine, then sit cross legged with my phone, or computer, and just...write. Writing is my thing.

I'd love for my writing to resonate with others, but that's truely not my priority. This blog is in essence an outlet. Somewhere for me to write about what matters to me...whatever that may be on any given day.

Oh, and to perhaps give my facebook friends a break from my incredibly long status updates ;-)

 

A couple of my favourite pics of Jason and I from New Year's Eve last year